Anger is an emotion that we are not typically taught how to process it, especially if you are a woman. In Western culture, we typically see anger as a “bad thing.” It is usually modeled in extremes.
On one side of the spectrum, we can be conditioned to hold on to our anger and let it get buried and fester—growing resentment. Thinking in order to be a “good girl” I can’t demonstrate any anger. On the opposite end of the spectrum, we can let this powerful emotion make us emotionally explosive, maybe even violent with our thoughts, words and body.
In Louise Hay’s book, How to Heal Your Life, she discusses how toxic anger and resentment are. In her research and personal experience from working with thousands of people, repression of our emotions can lead to cancer and diseases. We know from research by Bessel A. Van Der Kolk in his book, The Body Keeps the Score, trauma affects the brain’s circuitry and the body’s nervous system can be stuck in response patterns because of past experiences. All this to say, our bodies feel and know way more than we think they do!
The question I pose, how can we process anger in a more balanced way? In a way that gentle allows the emotion to be processed and released from the physical and mental loud.
In order to do this, it can be helpful to think of this process:
We need to understand why we are experiencing anger. We can do this through our mindful inquiry practices (like sitting meditation, walking or journaling) or multidimensional anger tests which can help us get a slight insider perspective.. Labeling that anger is present is a big first step. These modalities help us unlock a lot of awareness. They help us get curious about the root causes or experiences.
Get curious about what anger feels like for you in your body. Think about temperature, texture, colors and sensations. Offer a lot of compassion and care as the anger arises.
You can even ask the anger, “what are you here to teach me?” Listen and notice what you learn.
Practice one of the below breathing and movement practices to release the anger. Try to do the practice for a few minutes a day and notice how this intense emotion gets released. When you practice these breathing techniques, back off if they become too intense and make sure to seek external support like working with a therapist or skilled coach to help you manage the emotional load.